Why sometimes do our, some of our kids lie?
There are a couple of key things here to consider.

I've spent lots of time coaching kids and adults through these types of incidences, both in my principalship days and now with my private clients. So let's break down some of the factors that go into this challenge. First thing I want to mention, I don't want us, the adults, to take this really personally when this happens. This isn't going to help, and oftentimes it has nothing to do with us getting overly angry or super emotional or easily offended. This shows a lack of understanding for the deeper meaning of this deficit, and it's better to stay Even keel and not let your emotions take over. So why do some of our kids lie or twist the truth?
Lying is frequently an impulsive response that they exhibit due to their deficit in the area of executive function. These kids cannot typically see the future consequences for their actions, decisions, or words. And as a result of this difficulty, they bury the problem even further or deeper. They cannot yet connect their words and their actions.
The child has difficulty facing and even entering into a tough conversation as a result of their decisions. And often they feel really shameful afterwards. For them, this is an impossible step. What's the alternative? They argue, they avoid, they deny, and they continue to be untruthful. It gets even more intense and ugly when we, the adults, when we are pushing or insisting that the kid admit that he or she is lying.
We then find ourselves locked into a power struggle, and then nobody is the winner. And if you're doing this in front of an audience, Even worse, you're never going to get to the important part, which is the lesson. So what's a better option here? My suggestion is to move on to the next step.
What exactly does that mean?
Move past insisting that there's an admission of being untruthful. Let's focus our attention and effort on the idea of righting the wrong. How do we make this situation right? How do we correct this situation for the better? We need to move away from me versus you, we versus them, and work towards now holding them accountable for what occurred.
If we focus on finding that solution to this unfortunate situation we need to find something that's reasonable and that they can actually implement with some success. Once the adults understand a little bit more about these key concepts, I think this challenge becomes much less daunting to correct.
I hope this helps. They key is to remember that sometimes, lying isn't what we think it is.
Jen
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