NU #034 - The Solution Cycle for Big Behaviors

I've been lucky enough to participate in thousands of conversations with kids and sometimes, I need to become the student - not them. Sometimes, it's up to me to become the "keen observer" or "detective". In other words, I need to be asking myself: "What am I missing here? What is this kid trying to tell me but can't?"

Understanding the root causes of big behaviors in children aged 4-14 is crucial for parents, educators, and caregivers. These "big behaviors"—which could include intense emotional outbursts, aggression, withdrawal, defiance, and other challenging actions—are often a child's way of communicating underlying needs or struggles. At this developmental stage, children are experiencing rapid growth in cognitive, emotional, and social areas, and they may lack the skills to express their feelings appropriately. ( Cue my massive interest in the effectiveness of boosting Executive Function) Factors contributing to these behaviors can include unmet needs, hidden stressors, developmental delays, sensory processing issues, trauma, or changes in the child's environment. By identifying and addressing the root causes, adults can better support children in managing their emotions and developing healthier coping strategies.

I've also found that sometimes taking a series of complex ideas and finding a way to distill them down is very helpful. Since I'm visual, I like to transfer things to create graphics (or images) that tell the story.

That's what I've done here and I hope you'll find this helpful for the next time you're working through something hard with a kid.

Pro Tip - I created this resource for my own personal benefit - at first. I soon realized how helpful this became when I was trying to explain or share my observations with another professional, colleague or with a parent.

Here it is below. My gift to you.

I hope you can integrate this - as a piece of your process - in your work with kids.

(If you, or someone you know would prefer to have this document in pdf, drop me an email request at hello@jenshirley.com )

Jen